Revamp.

Lately I have literally been itching to blog. (Believe me, it's been a long time since the last time I jumped behind the blogging wheel.) Not sure why because a couple posts down the road I'll throw my hands in the air to it in an "I don't give a fuck" manor. All I know as of now that this is going to be an emotional cocktail.

First and foremost, I'd like to state that I feel like I'm running down this long, dark tunnel as fast as I can. I can see the light at the end but no matter how fast I run I can't reach the light. These posts will be thoughts, feelings, & experiences en route to the light. Please come along. The more the marrier, right?

Xoxo

I have no doubt, one day the sun will come out.

This will probably be your least favorite blog post, just a warning. I can't explain the way I'm feeling but I'm going to rant about it in this post like nobody's business. I don't know what happened but it really hit me last night. I think things are really starting to set in that I'm here..and this is..home. I no longer live where everything is so familiar and it's all I've ever known. Everything is new. The faces, places, experiences. Everytime I leave my house I'm faced with something I've never encountered before. It's almost scary. I've never moved away, and Evansville is all I've ever known. Don't get me wrong, that places sucks..and I mean SUCKS. I think it's just the comfort of being home that's taking over my brain. It's like when you go on a trip and you're enjoying yourself..but by the time it's coming to a close you're just so ready to be home. I think that's how I feel, but I'm realizing I can't go home. I don't have a home there anymore. It's kinda sad to me, but I'm hoping it passes soon. I know there wasn't exactly anything left for me back in Evansville, but I can't help but to feel the way I do. I attempt to do small things that bring me comfort, like wear Alex's shirt to bed. Although it's just clothing, the story behind it brings on a whole new vibe when I pull it over my head. It's kind of like a small slice of home. It's things like Hannah's grandpa dying and I can't be there for her. Or how I didn't say goodbye to the most welcoming person at Harrison before I left and now he's joining the air force. (Love you, Kyle. So proud!) Or how I miss the slightest things that I took for granted more than you could imagine. Or how my mom hasn't called to see how I am, which without a doubt hurts my feelings. I guess I almost feel forgotten. I have a lot of mixed emotions right now & some feelings I can't control. Last night was probably the worst for me. I was so restless, and there was something that I wanted SO BAD. I couldn't figure out what it was for the life of me, but I knew I wasn't going to get it here. It was such an empty feeling and it's haunting me today. I hope it doesn't linger on. I'm hoping this is just a phase and I'm okay soon enough. I just wonder if everyone feels this way when they've moved away, or gone off to college. Maybe this feeling is more normal and common right now than I realize. If you've taken the time to read all of this, mucho love for you! I miss you all.


xoxo.